Thank you, Jun, for your kind and thoughtful comment. I’m sorry that you lost what you believed was a friend — those losses, even virtual ones, are devastating, especially if they’ve betrayed your trust. I think we all want to believe the best in people, not to think their friendship is rooted in duplicity.

I encountered this person because of an initial comment he had left on one of my essays — which one I can’t remember. I scrolled through some of his stories and they felt off to me. There were hints of misogyny that you would miss at first glance, and then he replied to some comment I made and I thought, fuck this parade. I’m blocking this guy — he has issues.

I had to read the article (and calling it one is a stretch) several times because I was shocked with how cruel it was. Clearly, this person is hurting — no one writes this kind of nonsense unless they’re going through real pain, and I can empathize on a human level. But that’s where it ends for me. I don’t condone any form of discrimination and I’ve learned that my silence is my complicity. I’ve done this in the past and I’m not proud of it, but I’m speaking up now. Calling out men on their bullshit. Calling out white women on their bullshit. Because it occurred to me last night, after having written my post, that this is precisely what WOC often feel about white women when it comes to allyship.

We can’t change the fact that we’ve all grown up under the patriarchy and white supremacy. I think the most important thing we can do is acknowledge where we fall and make active steps to facilitate change. Women still need men as their sponsors (I never would have made partner if I didn’t have one), and the marginalized still need those who have privilege to be in their corner.

I think it’s brave and honest that you’re confronting these issues. Not many people do publicly, and I think you should be proud of that.

I’m grateful for this generation of men and women coming up in business because we’re on more of a leveled playing field. It’s certainly not leveled (we have a long ways to go to ensure WOC have the representation they deserve, and I keep joking that NYC agencies are STILL white despite the age in which we live), but we’re making progress. It gives me hope. As a Gen-X woman who had to battle sexism and misogyny (my career started out in investment banking, so you can imagine) for years, I can see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.

Warmly, f.