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Ten Things I Hate Right This Second
I don’t care.
In a world that’s heating up by the second, where cities are underwater, where we can count the number of white rhinos on one hand, where people are often terrible and proud of it, where in Los Angeles, in the city I live, in the midst of a heat wave, I wonder when the next earthquake will hit and it will hit and multiple panic attacks will ensue, mostly by me, I’m looking for levity. Terrified, I’d like a chuckle. I’m reveling in the small annoyances, the minor hates — the things that set my teeth on edge rather than my heart on pause.
#1 I Love You, Stranger
In a world filled with hate, how is it possible to dispense love so freely, without apology? Out of the womb, I learned love was conditional. One did not wield it without demanding something in return, so I find it odd, downright uncomfortable, when people tell me they love me. Three months into a relationship, a guy said it, to which I responded with that’s not possible. You haven’t even seen my hair wet. My mother’s been dead for seven years and I still can’t decide if I love or hate her because it’s complicated and perhaps I feel a little bit of both.
I don’t love people. I like them. I tolerate them. I have issues with commitment meaning you’ll have a hard time convincing me we’re in this for the long haul. I realize this is my suitcase of issues and I’m fine dying alone with wild animals mauling my face. Speaking of, I told my titanic tabby cat I loved him and naturally I had to take him to the ER because of some gastrointestinal issues. See what happens when I say the three words? Everyone leaves or dies. Or I’m forced to buy expensive prescription cat food my cat ends up hating.
Now, I tell him he’s one fluffy motherfucker while we wait to get him an ultrasound to ensure I won’t be writing bitter obituary essays. Because I wrote one about the last cat who died and I barely recovered from that.
#2 Asking For Money
I have no problem supporting animal sanctuaries, charities, and your heart surgery because this country is a cesspool where you have to make six figures to get decent health care. Because capitalism, greed, and sheer stupidity. I have no problem giving money to others but I’d rather be a…
