Goodbye to All That

I won’t be writing on here anymore, or at least for a long while.

Here’s what this won’t be — a screed against a platform that rightfully operates a for-profit business. My beef has never been with Medium, who has given me a home to share my work since 2013. So, if you’re looking for snark, head elsewhere.

It occurs to me that I’ve either been born at the wrong time or too sensitive for this time because although I’ve tried to carve out a portion of real estate online for weirdos who write dark stories and don’t care about algorithms or shaking down their readers for chump change, I’ve failed at it. I wake up, I look around, and don’t feel at home anywhere.

I’m also slowly losing the joy I’ve had for the one true thing I loved — writing — and I wrote about that here. I ask myself what’s the point even though I know there’s a point, a real, true, meaningful one, but my head can’t get there.

I’ve retired from marketing, a soul-sucking career. I’ve stepped away from writing. I don’t know what’s next but I’m hoping for oceans of clarity and so much quiet. And to hopefully find that place in the world of which I so desperately seek.

I doubt this will reach anyone because only boosted pieces enjoy circulation even with a writer that has a sizable following. But it’s never been about numbers for me. It’s about saying a proper goodbye for those who’ve given me their greatest gift: their time and attention.

I may be back. I may not. All I know is in this world, at this very moment, everything in my heart is scorched and black and I can’t bring myself to spread that darkness in my writing. I want to crawl back to that space where I reveled in new characters, new lives, new stories rather than the bottom they’ll invariably flail through.

So, for now, I’ll remain offline re-selling clothes and tending to my chubby tabby cat. Hoping for enough air to breathe underwater. Hoping to scrape by. It’s been a lovely ride, friends. See you when I see you.